February 29 2016 - Lumpy leaped into my world.


First, a timeline:
Feb 8 - First contact.  Felt lumpy while reading in bed. The hand of mortality that reached over and slapped me.
Feb 9 – Got serious about calling the HMO to get that general check-up with my newly assigned doctor.
After Feb 9, before Feb 17 – Told my husband. Wasn’t sure if I should before seeing doctor, but I did. Also told my parents.
Feb 17 – Met with primary care doctor. Referred to breast care department.
Feb 26 – Mammogram and ultra sound to check lumpy out. Ultrasound showed normal looking tissue, no cause for alarm. Initial recommendation was to keep an eye on bump and come back in 6 months. In 6 months, we had permits to hike Yosemite. I did not want to be back here “in 6 months”. I had already cleared out my work day, was already there, get it over with, do the biopsy, now. Left the hospital feeling pretty optimistic. Lumpy looked normal, most likely nothing. Life goes on. I wrote a journal entry about the eye of a storm.
I found David Brooks’ TED talk about living for your resume or living for your eulogy. Ordered his book, The Social Animal. Quickened reading pace of Mindset, a timely recommendation by Bill Gates.
Feb 29 – Lumpy had a name – mucinous carcinoma. So that hand of mortality slapped me again, sharply. Cancer it was. When Dr. G, in full Droopy-dog voice, mumbled it out, I felt a sensation run down my spine. It was not a chill. More like a bunch of ants zipping down. Perhaps my chi zipping to the core to regroup. I was sitting alone in my car, just about to leave a business stop.
Life goes on. Meals with friends, upcoming trips, business duties, class exams, volunteer commitments, loving support from family, irreverent demands from kitties, etc. Next appointment is March 10 to meet the surgeon.
Mar 3 – Thoughts about starting this blog drifted in during chi kung. I had only been able to articulate 2 reasons to tell anyone else about lumpy – 1) sympathy card, and 2) a living statistic (good or bad). Both unappealing, hence the silence beyond my closest need-to-know family. But what changed. Thoughts on education, on mortality and immortality, on giving back, on carrying on, on productivity, on rationality, on pros and cons, on privacy, on record keeping, on tracking progress, on tracking decisions. Anonymously, this is quite possible. It may help.